xinnyii

2012-01-01T21:08:00.002+08:00

Reflection of 2011:

Major Events:
-SIP attachment at Changi General Hospital
-SURPRISE BIRTHDAY PARTY FROM MY LOVES!
-MP and other modules T.T

2011 has been a year of uncertainties: from getting my attachment placements to which group im gonna be in for MP. School-wise, it's a freaking upset year. CGH was fun and all, but MP + other modules is trying to stretch me.
MP was well, very stressful. Besides having to face the stress from the teacher, my bigger stress came from my goodfriend cum leader (in all other modules too). I felt as though i've not been trying my bestest in everything because in her eyes, all i saw was disappointment, anger?, and speechlessness. I've really been trying soso hard reaching up to her expectations, but somehow i always fall short beyond it. The friendship is actually more important than the MP itself to me, but i dont know what i can do to salvage this 'disappointment-filled' friendship. T.T seriously, im so broken down idk what to do. and while everyone's giving thanks about their amazing 2011 in church, all i could think of was this broken friendship, the broken up me. Lord, strengthen me please. Teach me how to draw strength from you and to rely on you for everything; that the future is in your hands. I really cant do this on my own. I feel like if I'm the only one continuing this i would really just break down Lord. Suicidal thoughts did come to my mind when i was almost breaking down, but i kept hearing a part of my heart saying: 'You're a temple of God, the best friend of Jesus, and a Beloved child of the Lord. If you really killed yourself over this messy pile of shit do you think that your family members wouldnt be sad, wouldnt God be sad?'

父阿，帮助我学会怎么依赖你，怎么把我自己放下，让你来掌管。

2011-12-27T12:42:00.001+08:00

Maybe I'm changing ... again.

2011-12-27T00:29:00.001+08:00

Don't mean to feel this way but i feel damn awkward living on earth.
feels so useless and friendless.
even my brother dislikes me. awkward sad feeling.
...:?

2011-11-01T01:19:00.001+08:00

not confident at singing...

2011-10-09T00:57:00.000+08:00

Note to self: Don't hope so much.

2011-08-04T00:21:00.002+08:00

at the rate im losing my temper, i would have lost all my friends within a week.
God, please teach me how to control my temper.
it's getting so bad that im starting to hate myself for doing that. T.T
i really really dont wanna continue like this.

2011-06-05T17:21:00.002+08:00

3rd - 5th June: Experiencing God camp in Church!

It was mind-blowing. like WOW. okay, maybe a little far fetched.
To me, this time round, I received a lot from God. The more amazing thing is, i didnt ask for anything at all.
Before the camp, I've always had this doubt; about my serving in choir. I'm always unsure about me and choir. It's just like i don't belong there.
And, before just right before the camp, i had this feeling like somehow, God's trying to tell me that I'm gonna receive a lot at this camp. But my response? "oh okay."
I just didnt expect much from what he said. But things turned out otherwise.

Day 1: Friday. Was late cause I went after work. Just in time for the 2nd lesson of the day though (plus dinner :D)

I vaguely remember Ps FC was talking about the Heavenly Father (being different from the biological father that we have on this earth)
That night, when he was bringing us into worship and prayer session, I had a image- From a cream-beige room with two windows and nothing else, it ‘evolved’ into a green pasture from the wall without a window. What it meant, I've no idea. After that image, I received a verse: Matthew 19:8 “Jesus replied, ‘Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning.” Initially, I over read. I read it as Matthew 19:8-9 “Jesus replied, ‘Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.” So after misreading, I didn’t take much notice to the message as what I saw at that point of time was the word ADULTERY. It has nothing to do with me so I thought “maybe God gave me the wrong verse” ;p

End of first day HAHAHA.

Day 2: Saturday. Woke up at 6 plus! ><

Started the day with a 灵修 session conducted by Ps BY. She as ked many different people to read a same material, starting with a person reading It first, before increasing the number of people reading it. She asked us to listen closely to what they were reading, and pick out what God wants to tell us. At that point of time, all that stood out from the material was “I know what you’re thinking”. But at that time, I had no idea what does that mean. Really no idea.
After that, Ps FC continued to teach us. Topic: Listening to God’s voice & Forgiveness. After that was lunch. Then the movie: Letters to God. A MUST WATCH. REALLY! A real touching story with loads of learning points.

Then, it was dinner. :DDDDDDDDD the pork was naise! :D but the veggie spoil :(

Anyways, after dinner, we continued with Ps FC’s teachings – 圣灵充满. It’s like a recap of MTS ;p but anyways, after that teaching session, we had a worship and praying session. This time round, everything that I was confused about for the past day was revealed. As we were praising the Lord, Doris came over to come and pray for me. She said: Sing! Sing for the Lord! Sing! Just Sing! Sing! All I did at that point was to obey, and continued singing for the Lord, following the words on the screen. Soon after that, QY chuan dao came over to pray for me. At first, I was plain awkward. She said (direct translation): just follow the Holy Spirit and let him fill you. I had NO IDEA what she meant and suddenly, I remembered what Doris said “Just Sing!’” so I started opening my mouth to sing (still following the words on the screen). Suddenly, she said: 唱灵歌吧! 敢敢唱灵歌! It came as a shock to me. Literally. I tried to sing, but cause I can’t hear myself (believe at that time it was VERY OFF TUNE), so I coward. But she continued to urge me to continue. I tried and succeeded. (It was at this point of time that I realized that God is the one that placed me in the choir. I had no reason to doubt.) Straight after that, when I was praying in tongues, I got a ‘breakthrough’ in tongues - I started speaking in another language strange to me, different from the first one.

Right, besides from a breakthrough in tongues and receiving the gift of 灵歌, remember the verse that I received on the first day? It said about something about a hard heart. That was something within me for oh-so-long, and he decided to do something about it. He gave me 3 angels to come and pray for me about that matter, and weirdly, I didn’t reject. Heh. Okay. Idk what else to say. ;p THANK GOD! :D

2011-05-25T16:12:00.002+08:00

3 days of MC. shiok or what? HAHAHA!
but that's a bad thing too though. cause the doc says i might be having dengue. :x but i like only got one of the dengue symptoms, which is fever. and the medications made me worse, keep wanting to puke cause of the meds. :l lets hope its not :D
its like a mini holiday doing nothing at home :DD
oh ya, and val said something: why you always got this kinda thing one?
thinking back, it's quite funny cause the other time i got a long MC break was cause i was under suspicion of H1N1 HAHAHAHAHA! that time H1N1 now dengue. a lot nonsense. :D

2011-04-29T01:10:00.003+08:00

dont understand why do people only think about what would benefit them the most, thinking that their emotions are the greatest. i know we trying something impossible to solve, but God said nothing is impossible in him :D so YAY! trust the Lord with all your heart; ask and it shall be given. 没有什么事能难倒我的主!! AMEN :DD

playing guitar really relieves stress big time!

2011-04-04T23:12:00.002+08:00

Placement: Changi General Hospital
First day of work: Fun + Sleepy + Nervous.
had mixed feelings cause the boss seems nice and all, yet strict and stern at the same time. seems like there's some politics there but i think they're trying to hide it.
currently intern-ing with 2 other students, but both of them are from Flinder University. it's a brand new experience though :) new experiences = new things to learn :D fun fun! i hope ;p

2011-03-24T23:25:00.003+08:00

you know what? im unhappy. attachment placement just came out today, and i got posted to CGH. everybody say i should be happy, but im not. im stressed. and sad.
i guess i freaked out cause of what the teacher say. but nobody understands. all say i ought to happy cause i got into hospital, but no one knows how scared i am. not even my family let alone my friends.
im starting to lose myself with the facade im putting up again. 好不容易 tore it down but now .. i have no faith, that i can do it well.

and that cleopatra hairdo of mine is not helping.

2011-03-16T23:48:00.002+08:00

it's been so long since i updated.
因为我的身命太一番冯顺了.
is that a good or bad thing?
cause its so easy to laze around the house then to do something that intrigues the mind. oh man, been slacking too much!
gotta find something serious to do or else my life will be mundane. :(
PEOPLE PLEASE JIO ME OUT. but i guess you're busy with your own lives too.

2011-02-19T00:19:00.004+08:00

gym & swimming on thurs with loves, and jogging with cuzzie and val on fri.
one word: SHIOK! :D
love the feeling of exercising, though at this stage it's for some personal selfish reasons ;p but still, gym and jogging was super fun! :D
i wanna go gym again next time, and i sure hope i can keep up with my running schedule.
next up: Diet planning MUAHAHAHAHA! but i think for that i sure fail ;'(
how how? stop my meals?
NAH! :D cont to eat healthily ba :D

2011-02-16T00:14:00.001+08:00

courses separating, friends drifting. what else can tertiary education give?
those with boyfriends are always out with their boyfriends, and my remaining single ladies? either too busy to meet or only meet up for a short while. :( why did things become this way?

if you dont wanna put in effort, please let me know so that i will not be that dumb as to put in so much effort into this friendship.
all im seeing now are your shadows, no longer able to catchup, and even if i do, ill still be behind you, under your shadow. thanks man. this kinda friendship, how long can it last?

2011-02-15T00:09:00.002+08:00

everybody's decked out so pretty today!
happy day for so many people!
this year was the same as other years - mundane. haha! cause cause both of my bffs are out dating :'(
but still, enjoyed the laughters in school today.
andand, exams are just 'round the corner! :S
担心 max! 现阶段没心情玩了. 但我好想和朋友们见面.

2011-02-11T00:50:00.002+08:00

oh my tian, i spent so much today! the 75 that joyce loh return me i spent finish today! :(
today was a 'unexpected' shopping trip. met cher and angie at ps and town for some walk talk eat. cher was the one who wanted to shop, but i ended up spending the most. T.T
bought list:
1. two tops - 18/20
2. one shorts - 12
3. shoes! - 40 (HEART BLEED)
4. bangles& 2 belts - 5/5
5. dinner - 8.80
6. snacks (between lunch&dinner) - 4&2.7

TOTAL: 115.5
OHMYTIAN! i broke now :'(
WHY I BUY SO MUCH?! and the funniest part: i told cher when i meet her "i no mood shop today" OH MY TIAN. buay tahan myself. T.T

2011-01-23T23:24:00.002+08:00

had a enjoyable sunday today. although my face always screams "TIRED", but trust me, im listening to everything you say if my eyes arent closed. went for TWM gathering today, dicussed about commitments. how much time can i commit to the Lord? but surprisingly, things aint like the past, with a enthu me. this commitments i set was based on how well i can handle everything on my own and not by God.
I.NEED.MY.ODJ. NEED.TO.SUBSCRIBE.
tried studying session with val at her house. MAJOR FAIL. reason? because we havent seen each other for so long so we only talked instead of studying. ate MAJOR A LOT at her house cause her aunt cooked like 11 dishes and a soup and rice. SO FULL! but satisfied :D

2011-01-21T23:35:00.002+08:00

我好像一直以来都在憋住气，但又好像不能和任何人分享我的感受.
要你们面对着我开口问有那么难吗? all i need is a someone to come right to my face and ask "are you alright?"
neck and tooth aches: my mum says it's stress, but i have no idea why that happens when it seems like im not putting in my all in my schoolwork.
this sem, has got to be the busiest sem ever. but i seem to be enjoying myself more in the companion of friends who started off as stranger right from this sem.
in this sem, my usual 'clique' of friends dont meet up often but things feels safer that way.
我不想我们就应为这些原因而分散, 我们经过了那么多，你也不想看到我们就此分散了吧.
everything has a reason, and all i have left to do is to pray and let God provide.

hate myself for being so selfish.

2011-01-08T16:21:00.002+08:00

I've no idea what I've been doing for the past few days since the new year. everything's eerily fine. and I'm beginning to give myself in for I-don't-know what reasons. after hearing so many sharings, I really wonder. wondering whether what I've been doing was right.
JIAYOU! don't lose yourself!

2010-12-29T23:17:00.002+08:00

hard to open up.
people are going through life so fast and furious that all we focus is on our own life and it's stuff.
its hard to find someone to bare your heart to in this world.
I'm feeling so alone right now.
but, no one really cares right?
don't want an ending - sam tsui

2010-12-28T00:13:00.002+08:00

i feel so insecure and fidgety after m'sia trip.
idk what happened, but i dont wanna be like that.. :'(
im sinking back to the old me like quick sand. AW MAN! i needa pull to get back to what i was doing; before splattering too much words into other people's face.

2010-12-19T13:06:00.000+08:00

if you're always crying cause of a guy, then it's time to break up. what about friends? time to confront?

2010-12-19T12:40:00.003+08:00

everytime I meet or talk to you, the vivid memory I have of you is "promises are meant to be broken". you don't really live out your promises. I may forget things in the way I'm living, but if im even a friend or something lesser, you'll remember to contact me. 我敢说,我在你心里什么都不是. you always sister here sister there, but where were you when I really needed you. gah, 不想多说了. no point saying cause you don't get it. if you don't cherish this friendship then whatever. I'm gonna stop putting in effort too.

2010-11-30T23:11:00.004+08:00

everything you do puts a smile on my face. i know this happened a lot of times before. and i promise that i'll stop thinking about it :) you're just a friend. funny friend :) looking forward to replies cause i dont get many. hibye online friend :)
p.s. it's really like a teenage dream.

2010-11-13T00:31:00.003+08:00

i cant believe that as teachers, you guys are so impartial.
not every single student is the same, have you EVER slow down and took a chance to understand each and everyone of us? i bet you don't and there you go saying all A9A2 students are bad; push the workload onto others. what kinda bias are you having when you don't even give us a chance to explain. you listen to ONE side of a story, take that as the truth, and go blaspheming the other students. what kinda crap teacher is this? even as our CP, you dont even trust your own care group. other classes have easy access to their CP, yet all we have is your office number. i sometimes really wonder, do the teachers at my school treat us like a bottom-base for the other students to climb far ahead of us, or we just dont deserve the chance. i really dont understand. you looked at us with bias at the start, and whatever we do is just not enough for you. you dont even give a DAMN about us, yet you want us to achieve what others are achieving. you want us to have the same attitude when none of you teachers are willing to help. if that's called teaching, im dumbfounded. whatever we've done, aren't you one of the culprits who caused us to be like that? giving up on everything cause the teacher gave up on us. we aren't bad students, we are just 'slow' in adapting & learning. what's wrong with being slow?
maybe that's a crime in this fast-paced society. but if that's really the truth, then i dont even wanna be here anymore. this kinda life feels so sucky, like everything's gotta be bottled up. once we even try to vie for justice done, we'll be the ones suffering. both academically and spiritually. i really dont understand why a teacher can do such a thing to this extend.

2010-11-06T21:12:00.002+08:00

it's hard watching someone you like fall for others.
it's like something's on your throat that's stuck, being all uncomfortable.
you'll think "why wouldn't he look at me in the same way?" when he goes, "i wish we could talk."
that's so prevalence in this world now, everybody's falling for the wrong person.
i hope you'll find the right one soon :)

2010-10-27T18:02:00.002+08:00

I suck at treating people with the real me. I don't know why I just can't be true to myself.
what's wrong I really don't know. things are getting out of the hand.

2010-10-20T17:57:00.002+08:00

sometimes, when i pray. words just doesnt seem to express what i have to say. and im not a very good prayer warrior either, cause i'll end up praying in tongues.
like what i did for priscilla yesterday, praying for her in tongues seems much easier but i cant cause she dont understand.
re-read sze min's blog, and yea.
i wanna be a empty vessel that Christ uses through me.
Amen

2010-10-20T02:58:00.000+08:00

WOW! best. 8AM lesson to 6PM on mon.
who says year 2 is easier please go eat shit.

2010-10-20T00:37:00.001+08:00

Sometimes people tell you they care. Sometimes people tell you they love you. Sometimes people say they want you. Sometimes people say they will catch you when you fall. Sometimes people say they will never leave you. Sometimes people say they will never hurt you. Sometimes people say they would die for you. Sometimes people say that you are worth it. Sometimes people say it’s going to be okay. Sometimes people say that you are the one sight they never tire of. And sometimes people lie.

2010-10-20T00:10:00.003+08:00

i miss being myself
i miss camps - they make me be myself
i miss being a kid - a carefree life
i miss hanging out with my friends just for the sake of it - when boyfriends and school don't come into the picture

*i miss having a crush on someone - it's meant to be a joke ;p

i really wanna go 吉尔基斯.
and, photos are only meant for reminiscence purposes.

2010-10-17T19:29:00.001+08:00

oh crap, my mind's filled with "I'd rather"s lately :(

2010-10-12T22:50:00.002+08:00

prayer meet today was a tune in for me.
tuning to God's radar once again.
and this time round, i hope i wont get lost :)
thank you priscilla! for that prayer you did for me.
faith was actually kinda the only word i remember ;p
and yea, faith. i lost faith in my journey of sem 2.1
i really thought that i have to do everything i could before handing the rest to God.
that's both a right and left, depending on how you look at it.
and, for the first time in my life, i prayed (and teared) for a friend so dearest to me. new feeling, new experience :)
and maybe someday, i could really compose songs for God :D

2010-10-11T22:31:00.002+08:00

i'm selfish.

though the lyrics make no sense, but i'll tear everytime i hear this song.

2010-10-08T00:06:00.003+08:00

im getting excited for my birthday. HAHAS!
but maybe thats not a good thing cause i'll get overly excited and hope too much. in the end, it'll only boils down to below what i expected. hees.
anyways, had a class BBQ today. was fun though :D not much communicating but there's like a spammage of pictures :DD plans for dim sum and kbox :DD
havent met up with so many of them, and though school is starting, i hope we wont separate. there's one more thing i wanted to say, but i forgot. oops!

i wonder who will be the one that catches my eye. not that im gonna dig it out and throw it around.

2010-09-22T01:35:00.001+08:00

suddenly, i feel like making a cover. OMG!

i realise, i was so wrapped up with my own life that i failed to realise others around me. beh, this isnt like me. living only for myself.. geez. im sorry man.

2010-09-19T20:39:00.003+08:00

forever friends you say? I'd say that's bullshit.
you just turned back into the person I dont know anymore.
the person who only needs me when you're all alone. and now, you found a new goal/direction that doesn't involve me inside. so I'm like trash to you now? can't believe this friendship's so fragile.
why does this kinda thing happen to me all the time?
suddenly feel I'm better off without you in my life.

2010-09-19T00:43:00.002+08:00

I realise, at every destiny festival, I'll be reminded of how great team dynamics can be. like everything seems so great! and that how wonderful the vocals that the lord gave can be fused together to make wonderful music for the lord :)
and, the reason u didn't join the vocalist portion is because I don't want my desire to win to overcome the fact that everybody's gathered here to worship. and today's finals 2 really seems like a worship to the lord rather than a competition :)

2010-09-17T17:11:00.003+08:00

why isit so that everytime we meet, you'll bring a bunch of friends along and yet ask me to tell you everything that's troubling me? you know I can't do it. some things are meant to be private, not to be known to the world. you just dont understand me.
and I don't wanna be the one texting you every damn time first!

2010-09-13T23:55:00.001+08:00

a smile that hides everything.
you don't have to pretend you care when what you are gonna do hurts me even more.

2010-09-05T00:06:00.002+08:00

seriously, the place you used to have in muh heart, it dont feel like it belonged to you anymore. :) maybe it's good, maybe it's not. idk.
trying to hard to regain this friendship. yet you didnt offer anything.
disappointed? i sure am. but i've known better to mess with you, this girl that sticks out like a 'sore thumb' amongst the friends i have. :) maybe it's better. i dont wanna control you. :)

2010-08-31T00:18:00.004+08:00

things that are precious to me does not necessarily mean that they are precious to you.
things that only belong to the both of us,it didn't seem like you've regarded it's presence.
memories that i've held onto so tightly before, it doesn't prove anything to you.
things that we did together before, laughed so hard at before, treasure like @#$%^& before, it all doesnt seem precious to you anymore now.
im tired of asking.
im tired to being overly happy and overly sad at the same time.
im tired of being a rollercoaster.
i just want a normal life.
why does it seems like you dont need me in your life anymore, like you've moved on. and im standing there like a retarded waiting for you to come back.
im tired of taking action, then wait.
why cant you be more proactive?
make me feel like something special again will ya?
seriously sick of waiting for your answers that somehow eventually disappoints me to the extend that i'll even drop tears in public.
i hate it.
i hate this feeling.
why cant you understand?
am i asking too much? :'(

it's not the time for me to run away, with my exams just round the corner.
maybe that's the reason why you aint keeping in contact.
but still ... im a human. you cant expect me to be normal without contact till end of exams. i think by then, the special place that you hold in my heart may just disappear.
just, dont leave me alone here right now will you? im afraid of being alone now, knowing how happy you are right now.

2010-08-29T00:43:00.003+08:00

suddenly, i realise i miss the times we spent during YOG.
those songs, jokes, laughters.
i havent been this happy in a while, have i?
now, after YOG, everything changes.
back to reality.
no more fairytale.
no more hunks.
no more linda. (MAJOR :()
back to the stress of school, exams, and perhaps, friends.
everything doesnt seem exciting anymore.
there's nothing to look forward to anymore.
maybe it's norm.
to think and feel like this.
but why does it seem so wrong with me, my life?
friends, church, everything!
nothing seems familiar anymore.
maybe this is the way im escaping, unable to cope with the reality anymore.
broken from the dream i once had and held.
nothing seems familiar.
those things that im looking forward to everyday changes.
why do people who also had YOG doesnt seem to have this problem except me?
why do i even feel this way .... this lonely.
everything seems moving forward at a very fast pace, and it's like im the only one left in the dirt; in a different environment.
laughters? i hope they come back. but with more hope, comes more disappointment.
it seems to be true. im sorry, but i cant cope.
my struggling for help doesnt seem to be heard.
it feels like im all alone again.
forcing smiles which arent real.
it's really really ... hurtful.
im trying hard to be strong. but when i try, it has the opposite reaction.

2010-08-27T01:52:00.003+08:00

do i fail as a friend?
why does it feel like im alone again?
what happened to the 'i'll be there for you?'
communicating for less than 10 sms for a week?
you can live with it, i cant.
it doesnt feel like it's true anymore, the thing that you used to say so much.
i know it's nonsense and you wouldn't see this, and most probably it's not appropriate to even post this. - Forgive me, i'm trying to find. My calling, i'm calling at night. i dont mean to be a bother, but have you seen this girl? :(
it aint used to be like how it did. even if i put in effort.
crying? it's a way loser does.
im a winner, aren't i?

2010-08-09T23:39:00.001+08:00

YOG's gonna start in 13 hours time :(
that means lesser time for me and more time for the cheap labour. haha.

I WANNA GO OUT!! HAVE FUN! my three weeks!!!!

2010-07-21T22:19:00.003+08:00

it's not good being too close to someone.
the closer you are, the more you'll 'control' the things they do. and eventually, the closer you get, the more you have to distance yourself away from them.
it's a bad feeling.
i dont know why i angered all of you guys today. i didnt mean it, but i guess that's not an excuse. im sorry for my bad attitude AND insensitiveness cause i know it sucks. the more i wanna care, the angrier you'll get. i really dont know why. i guess all i wanted was your attention :(
i guess it's hard being my friend, tolerating all these yet having to fake smiles. im sorry, and thank you.

2010-07-18T23:57:00.002+08:00

OH MY GOSH! inception was GOOD! it's seriously a movie that should be watched in the cinemas, and not at home played via a DVD. like, seriously. it's so god that you guys should watch man! :DD
went out with church people today. not my usual clique of friends but still, church mates :D and, out with them is so different from with school people! it's like i can dont mind facing them for the rest of my life, than to face difficult people for abcdefg amount of days! :D they are so LOVED! :DD

2010-07-18T00:44:00.001+08:00

i wanna be Christ-like. i dont want this statement to be just a line that will be forgotten, but let it be a motivation for me to get going :D
i dont wanna be submerging myself in things i should not, and i pray that i'll be able to worship you all my days!
giving myself up unto you is not easy, so i pray you'll lead me :)

2010-07-16T00:13:00.002+08:00

the world's going in a speed so fast that i cant catch up anymore.
revolving life around school, it's draining me.
the only place where i need not fake myself - in church. :)
my only comfort place. one where i dont mind really doing things there alone, cause it's like my second and most stable home.
and, my mum told me something today - would you please take care of your body cause it's not only yours, but it's a church of God.
it came as a split second, and it woke me up from my tiredness *ps. i didnt sleep last night cause doing report -.-
really tired today, slept everywhere i sit. in buses, in church, in canteens. hahas, haven't tried this in a long time. dont wanna try again. my body will collapse. :)

2010-07-14T01:44:00.001+08:00

i think im changing.
not sure for the better or worse, im i definately am!
i start to live by my own deadlines, declining to see the important stuffs (more like bo chup).
i just feel very different. like there's nothing to fear in life anymore.
and, life IS fragile. people can just die in split seconds, so why dont we cherish our own lives? always complaining bout this and that,saying that they deserve it. haven't we ever remembered that we don't deserve it too? for Christ to die for us on the cross and redeem all of our sins again. lives are precious cause they are god-given. yet i always forget that point. :(

i wanna try harder to get into your heart. :)

2010-07-11T00:30:00.001+08:00

there ARE wake-up calls everywhere. :)

2010-07-11T00:26:00.002+08:00

i dont need luxuries or gifts/presents to make me happy again.
all i need is just a word, a sentence or even a smile you give.
everything melts after that.
but sometimes, those things are so rare that i dont see it anymore.
fake smiles everywhere, i cant even see your true heart.
i dont want to bang into something so hard that i dont know what's that for.
even if i know that i'd get hurt.
would you please get out of my mind?

2010-07-05T23:58:00.002+08:00

school started off as a shit case. but throughout the day, i dont know why but i feel happy.
like really happy. it's like i've got nothing else pressurizing on me anymore. like someone had just lifted all the burden all up. :)
met joyce and kwei yee today after school
cabbed down to ecp with joyce, while ky came down from bugis to find us.
i dont know why but i feel so much happier being with them like that; blowing the sea breeze, enjoying God's wonderful creations. it really removes all the worries and unhappiness away. blown and carried away by the sea breeze. :)
*the sea breeze today makes me damn cold ;p
HTHT with joyce, then we on-ned some music from her laptop(which was coincidentally in my bag. HAHA)listened to song while ky made her way here.
shortly after ky reached, i whined for dinner. HAHAS! ;p
ate at macs, then went back to parkway parade to dance. HAHA!
sweated a lot out, and everyone's mood went HIGH HIGH HIGH! :D
arcade-d till ten, then headed off to giant to buy drinks to quench our thirst.
apparently the chin chow with winter melon drink tastes super EEEEEEW! almost wanna puke after that. cabbed home and i reached around 1030. :)
had stingray and abalone waiting for me at home :DD
those dried ones :D loves loves :DD

to my dear ladies:
hey babes, although we might not meet each other everyday, but i know one thing that's for sure is that we'll always have each other in our hearts. there will always be room for things that belong to you. be it troubles, unhappiness, worries or other things that you feel that is suffocating you, or joyous things and happy things to celebrate about. i will ALWAYS be here, and i will always make time for you if you need me. because you guys are the ones dearest to me, so i dont wanna see you suffering by yourself. life's like a relay match, you always need someone to pass the baton to, in order to win the match. so, why dont you tell me/us what's troubling you and let us relay on the baton for you? that's what best friends are for aint they? not only for the good stuffs, but also for the bad stuffs :) and, i make a promise that i'll try my very best to be there whenever you guys need me :) be it keeping silent and accompanying you, or go high (that's something i REALLY gotta learn :D) 加油 my lovelies! :D

2010-07-03T23:53:00.002+08:00

at the rock bottom mood for the past few weeks.
and it aint getting better. i think it got worse.
everything was bottled up within me that it almost burst on friday afternoon(in school).
sick of people accusing me of things when i've not done any, especially when it's someone close to me.
had huge moodswings that can go very moody- silent, or very high- disturbing people's sleep. HAHA!
the projects at school aint helping either. i think that's part of my cause.
people in school too. i feel insecure. weird. i think im too sensitive.
and i guess my fake smiles aint mastered yet. it still can be guessed by some people.

is this a trial/obstacle that i have to get through?
because this happens almost every year.
maybe it's time for me to do something. cause im already 18.

felt really weird to stand up on stage today (for sihui's new song practice)
i got all nervous and tensed up that i forgot the lyrics.
and it got me thinking back.
why wasn't i afraid to stand up on the GDOP stage, and the church's stage for worship?
why only now?
is it because my faith's wavering? or because i got lost?
i need to find some answers.
and God, please dont let my studies become the excuse that i use to not come near you. :(

2010-06-28T00:42:00.002+08:00

I LOVE MY CELL! though they're full of nonsensical craps and stuffs, but they always still managed to make me laugh! the love for each other and our unity has not separated, and we shall stand firm together to face the rest of our life cause we'll always be together :D and if we aint, we'll still remember that at some point of life we had some very wonderful cell members to go through life with. the young part of life. HAHA! may God use each and everyone of us to stand firm against satan, and quoting from pastor philip's 'before 30' book, "those who would be used by God were being tested by the Lord ... i believe Satan knows who will be used by God!" so, trials and temptations that we are facing are obstacles that God is putting us through, so that we grow strong in faith and trust! :D

2010-06-26T21:38:00.002+08:00

today's sharing taught me ALOT.
not a conference though, but just pure sharing and a little bit of worship :)
it's enough to let me know somethings:

why are we not doing what we are supposed to do?
why are we only focusing on our own plan & path and not what God wants for us?
why are we forever taking a step back, thinking that there are other people who will be in the front line?

why can't the answers to all of these be us - God and me.
we focuses on our own strength too much, so much so that we forgot what our main purpose is for.
we receive so much that we forgot to give.
we do so much things based on our knowledge(and passion for Christ[the heart]) rather than just obeying what He has to say.

focusing too much on these stuffs makes me tired. and it's all because i forgot to focus myself on him.
how i can't do things through him.
how i'm so useless without him.
how life would be without his unconditional love - living by myself would be so tough.

and, although its just sharing, it made me realise that the fire for God will never die down. it's still there in your heart somewhere. you just have to reignite it.
and the most difficult thing? to keep it going. for more than a week[for me at least].

and, my thanksgivings:
- i thank God for letting me have such a wonderful youth ministry, with so much love and care floating around in the air.
- i thank God for letting me into my sec school, giving me so supportive friends.
- i thank God for letting me serve in sunday school, where i regain all my strength and erases all my unhappiness in the past week. [kids are cute! :D]
- i thank God for my brother, for i had seen the change in him - he matured. and he loves.
- i thank God for sisters and brothers around me that teaches me what to do, and what God has to say.
- i thank God for so many so many stuffs that has happened in my life. for in him, i withdraw the strength. and not from superficial stuffs and through my own strength. :D

2010-06-23T21:58:00.004+08:00

school today was okay. took 3 test papers back. failed one, but scored my first A for one of the paper that i didn't expect. :D
conclusion: out of 4 test papers, i failed one and passed three. :D
not bad la. and, i've got nothing to say about school anymore. it's not as if i've not been living without passion before. but i trust that this is the way God has planned for me :)
p.s you really make me feel like quitting school. don't take me for granted. im not always here.

sidenote #1: dinner was FULLLLLL. :D chipsmore, pulpy and DURIAN!! :DD
sidenote #2: projects are just .....

2010-06-23T01:00:00.003+08:00

today, went back to prayer meeting for the longest time.
my heart on the bus journey wasn't like before, it wasn't filled with anticipation.
i think the only reason why i went was because my friends were there.
my desire to yearn for God more wasn't there, and my heart felt empty. like something important was supposed to be there but he wasn't.
tried to fill up that hole with more stuffs, but it just doesn't seem right.
prayer meeting was ... had occurrences with God for a few minutes. then it went back to norm. like nothing happened.
pastor prayed for me, but it doesn't seem right. everything that he said, i knew it. i knew it from the very start, yet it doesn't have an impact. i pondered, am i really living the way he wants me to, or am i living my own life?
i guess it's the latter.

sidenote #1: my jap proj. group mates doesn't seem bad, or at least that's what i hope.
sidenote #2: going to school now is like going to a costume party. acting and behaving like someone you're not.
sidenote #3: the breeze tonight feels like air con! :D

2010-06-21T22:33:00.003+08:00

school's an 'oh no' today.
suddenly feel like not going to school anymore.
im sick of all the politics;
sick of trying to be a different someone for other people.
it's draining my faith. my strength. my courage.
it's not easy upholding a facade. i feel so fake, like im not me anymore.

what if i tell you that maybe poly's not the right route for me? :(

sidenote: i ate oreo mac flurry today!! :DD

2010-06-18T00:42:00.003+08:00

went food hunt today! :DD
at holland v. we at ate 5 places i think. but i didnt take any pics :p

1100- reach holland v. walked and explored the entire place. found 5 places to eat and 2 dessert shops :D but before that, we saw a damn nice bakery! the breads are like the best! :DD

1130 - found out kexin lost her phone. we had like 3 half-eaten breads when kexin realized that her phone was missing. HAHA! funny girl. went to kent ridge terminal to retrieve it. 'NUS open house and "sexay" running guy' HAHAS!! --> inside joke :D

0100/0130[cant remember] - back to holland v and decided to eat at one italian restaurant and a korean charcoal bbq place :D ordered a mushroom supreme pizza and a mushroom aglio olio at the italian restaurant. the pizza at the italian restaurant's FAB! serious! the crust is so crispy, so gooooood! the aglio olio was ..... only. hahas. price - 16 [lunch special :D]

0225 - ate at the korean bbq place. had an appetizer (korean's 炒年糕) and two main : a ramen and a kimchi fried rice. all 3 dishes came with 3 side dishes. so, we ate ALOT. and we were all satisfied by the end of it. p.s for the kimchi fried rice, you MUST MIX all together, then it'll taste good :D but overall, the dishes are still okay. :D though the ramen really tasted like maggi mee. ;p price - 30.80? [there's a 10% off for students :D]

0315-0330 - proceeded on to 翡翠 to eat dim sum. damn, it's the worst part of the day man. had shrimp dumpling, coconuts(2 share 1 cause too full), xiao long bao, pan fried shrimp something and egg tart. all was average but one - the xiao long bao. it seriously suck. price - 29.80?

0430 - went to have our dessert at cold rock creamery. the ice cream was mixed! :D me and ke xin had cheesecake+choc mint flavour and mango mixed together. ervina and valerie had choc chips+cookies and cream flavour and malteases(p.s idk how to spell) mixed together. played taboo there too while we digest. HAHAS! so fun! price - 15
so total : less than 100! :D [our budget was 25 each] good job man. eat soooo much. in the end, i skipped my dinner and im still not hungry :D

after holland v, i went down to church for worship prac which starts at 0730pm. and i was already on the bus 61 at 0530pm. my butt almost rotted cause my journey was one and a half freaking hours! and after my worship prac, i took 61 again for half an hour back home. so my butt sat on 61 for 2 hours. wow.

2010-06-12T00:06:00.000+08:00

3 things to do for my holidays :
1) do my assignments
2) repeat (1)
3) repeat (2)

best. im already trying my best to spend time with you guys, yet you are ....
idk what im doing already. you should just say something.

2010-06-06T22:52:00.001+08:00

off to camp from mon to thurs :D
MISS ME ALRIGHTS! :DD
i'll still be contactable though :)

2010-06-05T23:37:00.001+08:00

GASTRIC PAIN! HOW?
one entire day le eh :(
super uncomfortable :( i very very sad!!
and, today was a total slacking day :) LOVES! :D

2010-05-30T22:46:00.002+08:00

i realised that half of the time i've spent is on waiting.
waiting for replies, waiting for answers; for buses; lectures; lunch.
i dont like to wait. seriously. :(
but life's full of stuffs that we have to wait for, for friends, love, family, time.
learning to wait's a virtue. some virtue that i've wasted on anger. hees.
okay, random post :D

2010-05-27T00:43:00.001+08:00

im afraid to fall in love with you. :/

2010-05-25T00:34:00.002+08:00

GDOP yesterday was a blast!
and it was purely god's presence and 带领.
cause im the one who will have stage fright even when i face 20 people, but yet miraculously, i wasnt afraid to stand on stage to worship him yesterday :D
maybe cause i know that there's a LOT of people on the stage with me, and therefore im not alone. but still, i really thank god for bringing me through this wonderful experience with him.
and he reminded me something yesterday : with God, NOTHING is impossible! :D
so, 加油 ONG KWEI YEE! for your POS!! :DD

2010-05-22T01:10:00.003+08:00

:(! today was a really bad day!
1. right early in the morning, i couldnt drag myself out of bed for the 9am lesson. [and apparently it didnt turn out to be a compulsory one].
2. my leader didnt come for the next lesson -tutorial, and my group was lost and got nagged by a biased teacher.
3. at lunchtime, i got splattered with sweet sauce, those dark coloured ones on my white shorts.
4. had to wait for a freaking long time - i think 2 1/2hours, just for an hour on the court.

but the things im thankful for:
1. im late for the lecture, but i wasnt too late.
2. at least the sauce stains were wiped off almost instantly [of course not after i screamed in the entire canteen ;p]
3. BBALL WAS FUN!! serious, would wanna try again next time. :D

2010-05-12T18:37:00.005+08:00

i dont like it with im treated like a substitute. the plans that we've originally had, you had to ruin it. is he THAT impt to you?!
im speechless bout what you're doing. and you know i hate this.
AND YOU! stupid hotmail. stop making me unaccessible to my mails! if not how am i supposed to do it?!

2010-05-01T01:34:00.001+08:00

i just can't help but smile broadly in front of the computer screen when i see my friends leading a happy life :)
it fufils me somehow, telling me that everything's gonna be fine cause everyone's happy :)
God is GREAT! :D

2010-04-29T00:04:00.002+08:00

idk why, but maybe the only reason why im feeling so relaxed is because im putting all the pressure and my expectations on the people around me. especially val. sorry, my moodswings are not that visible to me anymore, and im sorry for the hurt i've caused.
i need strength from you lord, to be able to face my tomorrows. i wanna focus on you only, and no one else. please be my priority. :)

2010-04-21T22:04:00.001+08:00

went to school for TEN hours today, but there's only TWO hours and 45 mins lessons -.-
quite redundant. kept sneezing for the whole of today, and my nose is blocked. wow, just right after my throat healed i've got flu -.- what the best. :D
gonna start studying and trying my bestest for my sem exams :DD

2010-04-12T23:18:00.002+08:00

wooooots~ finished clearing up my wardrobe, and now, i've got lots more space for my soon-to-come clothes. HAHAS! WHO WANNA GO SHOPPING?!
anyways, shopping's out of the limit now since i've not recovered from my sickness from last wed -.- my cough wouldn't go away, in fact, it worsened :(
and, i've got no money to shop. HAHA. since i have to save up for my mission trip which will come like TWO years later, but still. i.have.to.start.saving. :)
i think my bank has ........ 2000++ dollars inside! :D oh how i wish i have :(
*note. i dont have that much :( maybe i have the first 3 numbers, without the last 0 HAHAHAHAHA :((*

school's starting soon, and my timetable's not out yet >:(! i dont like waiting, especially when i have to wait for so long to get notice on the last few days on how my school life's gonna be like for the next 3-6 mths.

2010-03-31T17:17:00.002+08:00

it's as though my screams were silent. no one heard any of it.
im sick and tired of living each day with sorrow, and unhappiness.
why must i be torturing myself in this way, where i know that i shouldn't and would not have to!
i really am powerless, i dont wanna fight against with you anymore.
out in the front line, getting attacked everytime my faith increased.
sick and tired of this, really. for all these years, non-stop. please, GO AWAY!

2010-03-27T00:15:00.004+08:00

woke up at 1030am today just to get ready to meet valerie at 12. in the end, we met at 1pm. she overslept. had lunch at macs at bugis cause we had to take our IT fair's pay later at sim lim. and right after i finished the meal, my stomach felt weird. it's upset, yet i dont wanna go to the toilet. everything dragged and we only reached sim lim square at around 330pm. it was like half an hour to one hour's time behind our schedule. took our pathetic pay (hahas) and went off to pasir ris. it was retarded of us to take cab down to pasir ris at 4pm. plainly because
1. there's a super heavy jam on the highway(PIE)
2. taking train would be so much faster than the cab ( cab took around 45 mins to one hour to go from bugis to pasir ris cause of jam -.-)
3. it would be WAY much CHEAPER if we took train. (cab fare = 17.60)
sucks lor, spoiled my day :( so EXPENSIVE and such a WASTE OF TIME!! thought that a cab would be faster but im super wrong! super wrong decision. bought cupwalker at ehub, than went down to valerie's friend's house for mahjong. bleah. lost both rounds that we played. :( i need to find a mahjong teacher!! HAHAS! ;p
had dinner in between the rounds, but my stomach felt to weird to eat. so i only ate a little. :(
MUST.LOSE.WEIGHT!! :((

2010-03-24T23:32:00.004+08:00

started preparing for joyce's birthday on the 19th march. ps. her birthday's on the 23rd.
we went out to buy her birthday present - bikini - on the 19th, after James 依饿弃 and service on sunday. sorry ky, if it wasn't fun. met ky after service at 1 at aljunied. went over to joyce's house to prepare for her birthday cake, HAHA! had to 'deceive' joyce by saying that we have a surprise for her so she cannot come home early that day. she's only allowed to come home after 9pm HAHA!!
prepared for her cake and all, and while it's in the oven, we started mahjong-ing. HAHAHA!!
please dont tell my parents, i'll get scolded big time. ;p we mahjong-ed for a while, then went to check on the cake, than mahjong again HAHA. funny lor, i keep running back to the kitchen to check on the cake. after the cake is done we decorated it till it looks weird, trust me. the cake even left it's bottom in the pan, so it was uneven somehow. but we eventually managed to move the bottom back to it's place, with the help of her mum. urghs, joyce's mum and ky is the best combination of lamest EVER!! can't stand them *they'll say : can't stand? then sit la!* -.- all day long man, almost froze to death. the cake turned out alright when the frosting was applied on. but seriously, without the fruits as toppings, it looks like a pile of shit HAHAHA! all this nonsense ended at around 5-6pm, and we mahjong-ed till 9, when joyce came back.
and she was annoyed cause we were playing mahjong without her, and we had no surprise for her when she returned, HAHA! she complained to her mum after we left (and secretly took the cake out without her knowing) about us having no surprise for her. ;p
went over to her house on the 22nd, for a stayover at her house till 23rd :D
first time with sec school friends, :DD reached her house at around 1 i guess, and she's still sleeping. had lunch at around 2-3pm then met ky and went over to joyce's house at around 4. ps. the cake was decorated with fruits at this point of time. pretty pretty ~
prepared dinner: me-starter, joyce-main dish, ky-desert.
it was edible overall HAHAHAHA!! funny eh. kay la, it's nice. :)
all was super full at this point of time, and coming up next was a huge mango pudding 'cake' for joyce - it was meant as a trick - with a real candle. kinda waited for her to make a wish and had a bite before presenting the REAL cake. the one that we made the day before. cool eh. the real cake had a fake candle on top; those candles that will keep relighting itself one. she blew and blew and blew till it really was a joke seeing her blow HAHA! the cake was also edible :D GOOD JOB US! :D HAHAHAHAHA!! ran around the kitchen with frosting on our fingers trying to draw on each other, HAHAHA!
mahjong-ed after that and i was so tired till i really fell asleep at 3am.
they continued their HTHT, and im guilty for sleeping so early. HAHAS!
SORRY JOYCE!
im the first one to fall asleep, and the last one to wake up. HAHA! we actually planned to wake up at 8 am for breakfast, but only joyce woke up. and she tried to wake us up too, but i think im like a log. couldn't even hear her calling me up. hahs.
slept all the way to 1pm then woke up. bleahs. went for brunch at 3pm, and they forced make up on me. HAHAS! :( drew eyeliner, and tried fake eyelashes. but it's like damn weird. eh. eyeliner and glasses = GROSS!!
i think the next time if i wanna apply make up, im gonna make sure that im wearing contacts or not wearing specs. :) went k after lunch, and joyce sang till she cried. couldn't do anything to ease or comfort her, and i dont really want to condemn her now. so, im going to take a neutral stand from now on, cause it's gonna be tough if all her friends are gonna abandon her because of 'him'. so the very least that i can do is not to say anything else from now on, since it's her decision. all these years, those 'naggings', it just ain't helping since she's softhearted. and yea, ky said something so true - Joyce used to be happy, cheerful but after being with her, all those become sad? hurt?Happy and cheerful can be seen when Joyce is not with her! - i just want you to be happy. really smiling from the bottom of your heart. i know it'll be hard, but at the very least, ky and i will be here for you. you know that. please, do it all for yourself. i dont wanna see you hurting yourself again alrights? even if you know that the decision will break your heart so much.
WE LOVE YOU MY DEAR!! ♥♥

2010-03-19T09:02:00.002+08:00

working at IT fair was very tiring, almost depleting all my energy as i debated with the customers : no, ram cannot be upgraded for free etc.
some just dont get what it means by no, and they'll keep pushing for an answer. annoying people.
slept for almost 5 hours everyday when i was working for IT fair, and after that, was AC camp.
AC camp was just, GREAT! serious. the first time being an AFA(assistant leader) cum logistic cum station master HAHAHA! doing so many roles at one time while sleeping only around 3 hours everyday made every official super cui the next day. and the funny thing was, all the officials woke up later than the participants. HAHA! the camp and campfire was fantastic, and yes. it's really a camp that's going beyond memories. because of this, i made many new friends and opened up myself. its really a great brand new experience for me, and i really thank God for it. was actually feeling afraid when i first knew that im a FA, and i cant back out (well, actually i can. just that i dont have the courage to.) but still, God gave me courage and strength and energy to complete things that i've never ever tried before. i really thoroughly enjoyed the camp, and its gonna be in all of our memories for as long as we can remember right! :D
i realised, that my initial urge to join AC because i wanted to find the guides feeling back was a mistake. because, AC and guides each have a special place in my heart, and both are different. and for that, i thank God :) i really really love you Lord :D

2010-03-11T00:13:00.001+08:00

gonna start working at it fair this few days.
after that's gonna be AC camp.
it's gonna be hectic :)

God, please give me strength and energy to overcome this few days. that i'll not fall sick on either days, and that i'll not grumble about everything that comes along my way. shall face it with a smile :D

2010-03-10T00:07:00.001+08:00

can't stand the 'haze' that's been around sg this few days.
cranky weather, making everything so warm and flammable.
all the grass are drying up, and the stupid smoke from forest fire makes it worst.
polluted air all around and now the safest place to go is air-conditioned place.

2010-03-07T17:44:00.002+08:00

6 march '10
went ubin for cycling today with AC.
first time in my life i've cycled so much in ubin, from 12 - 5!
though there's an hour of break in between ;p
didn't mean to flare up and all, didn't mean to keep being the last.
it's just, i can't cycle that fast to keep up with you guys.
the reason why i asked you guys to go first is cause i didn't want you people to miss the fun of going down the slope whenever there's an upslope to keep me from going fast. sumimasen! - that means sorry!

2010-03-02T23:08:00.000+08:00

celebrated yf's birthday today instead of the 28/02.
was supposed to meet everyone (wx, sh, jy,sylvia, joshua, ky) at 1pm at tp.
all was, ya late, 'cept ky and sylvia. sylvia was 15 mins earlier then expected time *WOW*
bought the big mounting board and a double sided tape (pai seh, my fault. cause i forgot.)
started to tape all her 33 pictures onto the board. which ended up funny, HAHA! :D
nvm, had fun. wrote birthday wishes on her big card, and we went over to her house to surprise her. the surprise was on us, cause we forgot which level. and almost knocked on the wrong door. HAHAS! reached her place and sang happy birthday, and then we slacked.
dont know why, but we didnt think of where were we going after the surprise. hehs.
sh fell asleep while reading a book and sylvia, she just slept. LOLS :D
bus-ed to parkway for k session, but dinner first!
and dinner was at astons - oh, love :DD
k was FUN!
okay, maybe cause i love it :D
cabbed over to eunos with wx, yf and jy at the end of the day. poor joshua was abandoned at katong to take a bus home by himself HAHA (cause ky and sh left first)
fun fun :DD love meet ups with clique, miss the old days :D

2010-03-01T23:56:00.000+08:00

went to find yf's present today at town.
was supposed to meet wx, sh, sylvia, joyce, jy and joshua at 1230 at somerset mrt station cause wx and sh was supposed to end work then.
in the end, only sylvia and me turned up on the dot.
jy overslept, so she met joyce and gerrie then headed over to orchard. (reached around 4 plus)
joshua had a stomachache so he didnt come.
wx and sh had work all the way up till 3 plus. WT@@#$#$%#^%!! stupid boss!
so in the end, me and sylvia walked aimlessly around orchard cause i didnt know the roads, and it her second time there since pri school. we ended up going over to plaza sing to print yf's photos out. a bit dumb eh. ate lunch at around 3 then we went back to orchard to meet the rest. walked from somerset station to orchard station and we still didnt find yf's present. smart eh?
bought and decorated her cake at 313's icing room, and that's the only thing we bought. smart.
SEE LA YF! CHOOSING YOUR PRESENT MAKES OUR HEAD BIG :D

2010-02-28T23:38:00.000+08:00

went out with kwei yee today. we went jurong point which is at boon lay -.-
both of us went out with HEELS*random :)*
purpose? to find yufang's birthday present. but, 1st stop : FOOD! :D
ate at swensons, and since i had a one-for-one desert voucher, we both ordered deserts :D

after i finished, she only finished half -.-

after that, shopping session. i didnt find anything there though.
not even yufang's present. T.T
so we went to meet joyce and gerrie at bugis, pictures in train and bugis :)

went to find jy after that, and waited for her to end work. K session after that! ♥ ♥ s :DD

2010-02-28T01:11:00.003+08:00

i suddenly dont know what to do. i'd rather you not force me into that. and, i really dont want to hurt you by saying no. but, im really feeling terrible. they know, they know how much im suffering inside. but you just cant see. i've had even, but i cant say no. what should i do lord.
to angie: im sorry, for lying to you.

2010-02-26T00:40:00.003+08:00

i seriously can't believe i fell for you. but so what?
WOOOTS~ my exams finally ended today :DD
one month plus of hols! :DD
cai yufang, tay weixuan, joyce loh, ong kwei yee and etc ..
we MUST meet up soon okay!!

2010-02-22T00:46:00.001+08:00

gonna have my exams in less than 12 hours time. i dont want to freak out at this point, though im not fully prepared for it yet. but, who cares. everybody around me has been so stress about the exams, yet im refusing to be. is that a good thing or a bad thing? idk, this blog's dead. :) shall upload when my hols come :D
WHO WANNA JIO ME GO OUT? :DD

2010-02-12T23:52:00.001+08:00

thank god for giving me courage today! :D
didn't actually dare to go for the interview for camp committee today, but i went :D
and i think i made a foolish choice. instead of choosing to be a station master, i chose to be a FA instead -.- that is so NOT me. but, nvm! god has his plans for me i know :DD
arigato!

2010-02-11T23:44:00.002+08:00

WOOO~ bought so many things for CNY! :DD
IM SO HAPPY!!!
and its the first time my mum gave me money to buy clothes, instead of asking her for it :D
so, with my budget, i bought :
a flower dress that's identical to kwei yee's - 30?
a pair of heels to match that - 30
a everlast flats - 30
an online shirt - 13
a tights - 15
two bangles and an earring - 5
a billabong slippers - 23
2 spag tops - 20

that's about all i guess. im so happy with my purchases, and im just forgetting the fact that i have exams after CNY. :)

2010-02-05T00:17:00.003+08:00

I.AM.TIRED!!
just finished ac, and we ran and played badminton today.
hmm, badminton, a sport that i haven't touched on since my secondary days. ( i sound so old!)
but still, everything came back to me, and its a skill i'll never forget :D
and that is also the reason why i am so tired. im totally running out of energy, and i know it.
the thing is, a word like 'rest' is not gonna happen anytime soon cause it'll soon be the exam period.
im having insufficient sleep every night, and the hours of me being awake is so much more than my sleeping time. i think my body cannot take it any longer, and i have a feeling that it's gonna collapse soon :(
for the past two weeks, i've just been completing assignments after assignments. tests after tests. im tired, wanna go for a break. and CNY wont be a joyous occasion cause my exams are the week after it. or should i say, it WILL be a joyous event cause it's a break given to me? :) shall think it that way :D and i dont know why, but my hair stinks a bbq smell. a slight one though. bleh.

and, here's my niece, MEREDITH! sweet looking little darling ain't she :DD

2010-02-02T23:30:00.002+08:00

my heart almost fell to pieces when i saw that, and because i knew that that wasn't me.
this kinda feeling sucks. it just ruined my entire day, and stupid lab discussions. can you just please go and bang the wall? im annoyed. have a test, presentation and a lab assessment tmr.
im so gonna breakdown soon. gah, i aint used to be who i am since the start of the year, everything is just pulling my morale down.

sorry for this saddening post. i just cant lift my spirits up whenever i think about these things.

2010-01-30T01:39:00.002+08:00

had an 'interesting' day today. had normal school lessons, then went to eat opposite my school for the chicken rice. since im a chili eater, of course i'll ask for more! that person asked me to squeeze the amount that i want out of the bottle, and there comes trouble. a big piece of garlic was stuck at the tip/entrance of the bottle, and when i slightly squeezed harder, chili splashed onto me! :( my white shorts got stained too!! and, im still doing music now -.- cause i went swimming just now with joyce and ky, and the funny thing is, we got asked for numbers in the pool -.- and there were my brother's age, so very DUMB!

urghs, brain's not working, should go to bed!

2010-01-23T15:42:00.002+08:00

was actually gonna skip cell today for my undone report and tests.
but as the time looms nearer, my heart starts to ask " why aren't you going to cell?! "
my brain replied " cause i haven't finish my report?"
H : " what's the point of staying at home if you're just staring at the computer blankly without knowing how to start?!"
B : " ....... but if i dont i wont be able to finish it on time!"
H : " are you gonna finish it if you're gonna stay at home? no right?"
B : " fine."
so there, i'll go to church :D WAIT FOR MEEEEE~

2010-01-21T23:23:00.001+08:00

On this day of your life, Xinnz, we believe God wants you to know ... that you are not alone.
	God is always with you, seen or unseen, saint or sinner. Giving you air, supporting your footsteps, nourishing you with sunshine, God is here with you. The separateness you sometimes feel is an illusion, in truth you are never alone.

this is really true. apparently, when im having doubts or am really low, this application on fb ALWAYS have the right words for me. when im searching for an answer, it'll give me one. when im searching for comfort, it'll give me one. i thank you lord, for always accompany-ing me and not letting me sink lowwwww. :D PTL!

2010-01-20T23:49:00.003+08:00

gonna go to bed soon. had a food chemistry test today, and within a span of 30 mins, i cant believe i slept 1/3 of it away. was looking at the paper, staring BLANKLY, and fell asleep.
like WHAT THE ?!?!?!?!?!
nvm, after the test went to eat yong tau foo in itas, and after that i had psycho tutorial. had a MASSIVE headache that didnt go away for like 2-4pm. dont know why, but it blurred my eyes, like after a flash that stayed. so i decided to go home and sleep it away. but it didnt work. maybe it did, urgh. it's still here, only a slight one. but it's hurting me and i haven't study for my interpersonal test tmr -.- :(
good night people.

but still, i thank god for letting me rest :D

2010-01-19T23:49:00.003+08:00

On this day of your life, Xinnz, we believe God wants you to know ... that how bad things may look right now means nothing, - it's how good they can be with God's help that counts.
	In life you can absolutely count on one thing, - everything can turn around in one day, in one minute sometimes. Don't you dare to give up, - you might be a moment away from a windfall.

i really thank god for this message, i clicked on this application straight after i told my friend that im gonna give up for my test tmr. now, everything has his wonders, and i need not worry :)

good night people, im super tired!

2010-01-19T01:00:00.004+08:00

i really should have kept my mouth shut instead of talking back at you.
cause i know its just care and concern that you're trying to show, but i just exploded. im sorry mummy.

apparently, trying to change everything at one go aint gonna work. i know my flaws, even those that arent shown to the outside world. but i really didnt know that i was frank till you said it. i was a little suprised, a bit dazed when you said that. to think i'd lived for 17 years without knowing that one of my flaws is being too frank. and to think i wasnt like that in the past, the past me would just be too shy to show her true self. it really shocked me. and, is this something that i should change? cause i dont really like those people who beat around the bush, so i aint gonna be one. idk, see how.
i'll try my hardest to forget you, cause i know you ain't the one for me.
and, im so looking forward to HOLIDAYS and MEET UPS!! :D with all my favourite people, i'll grin for the entire 2 months! :D so make sure you guys make time for me toooo~ if not i'll force myself in MUAHAHAHA!

2010-01-15T00:37:00.002+08:00

its the first night since the start of the year without any work to complete. :)
and , i MUST be thankful and grateful to those who did all my work, ERVINA AND YAN EE! :) THANK YOU! and, im sorry for being so mean to you. :( sometimes, humans just cannot be thankful in all circumstances, and yet, they complains about those who cares for them. and i admit that im one of them.
i realise that in everything that i've done, i've only requested god to fufil that for me, and not me fulfilling what he wants me to. so from now on, i want to do everything according to his will, and not mine :D for this life is only temporary :)
but doing all this in school aint easy, bitching about people is wayyy much easier :(
shall control my tongue too ~ :D

so much things to do, in so little time. i want to focus my life on you, for this year will be a BREAKTHROUGH year! :D

2010-01-12T23:49:00.000+08:00

I WANT TO GO ON A MISSION TRIP!!
:( stupid school, restricting all these. :(
but anyways, i know that it'll be good for me anyway, i mean studying.
gonna strive hard for god, though i really dont know where i'll be heading in the future. :D
so, strive hard = get good results= go wherever god wants me to :D

2010-01-11T00:28:00.001+08:00

pretty much deadlines to meet, and im gonna cause my eyes to fail soon. its red and i cant get to bed cause i havent finished my work :(
maybe its punishment for playing too hard?
and, many more things are gonna come my way i know. but lord, i know that you have plans for me and all that i have to do is just to obey. to follow, and no matter where you lead me to, i'll go. i'll just have to try my best, but with the limited time left, can i?

2010-01-02T08:00:00.003+08:00

woo~ 2009 just went past like that, and i've learnt soooo many things along the way :)
everything that i've learned: tongues, school, friendship, relationship with god.
everything made me grow to be a better person, and i surely hope i'll be!
will be trying my best to be myself instead of just reaching other ppl's expectations, to be proud in everything that i do. cause god has a plan for me! :D though i may not know what it is, but i know that he'll be there, and that the journey will be AWESOME! :DD teach me to be more mature, and to mind my language. i want to be more committed to your stuff rather than others :) so for this year, i shall take everything in my stride, and not exaggerate everything ;p

spent the last day with my church mates, watching avatar 3D. and it's not that nice ;p
the sad thing is, i lost my phone in the cinema, and it cant be found. but dont worry, im still using the old number :) so just text me with your names can le :D
went ton-nig at michelle's house for countdown, and i got too tired and i feel asleep at like 3 plus 4?
woke up at around 7 plus for breakfast. then we went home, and overshot our bus stop, so by the time we reached home it's like 9?[we could have reached home by 8.30am :D]
and the half of the first day of 2010 is spent sleeping HAHA! slept till 5pm then wake up to go to shumin's birthday partyy~ :D and i managed to ton for the WHOLE night! HAHA! ton-ned by playing mahjong MUAHAHAHAHA! :DD and, shhs! it's not supposed to let my parents know ;p!
and now, i have to stay awake for 5 more hours, cause if i go sleep now, i 100% cannot wake up later for another birthday party. ;p

2009-12-29T23:42:00.002+08:00

i LOVE my life right now, cause it's everything you've gave me :D
the results that i have is purely your grace, cause i know i wouldn't have done so well( my well is pass, haha!)
THANK YOU LORD! :D
since the start of school, idk why but i have this peaceful feeling in my heart that's like 'nothing would go wrong cause you're here with me!' :D
how happy~