woo~ 2009 just went past like that, and i've learnt soooo many things along the way :)
everything that i've learned: tongues, school, friendship, relationship with god.
everything made me grow to be a better person, and i surely hope i'll be!
will be trying my best to be myself instead of just reaching other ppl's expectations, to be proud in everything that i do. cause god has a plan for me! :D though i may not know what it is, but i know that he'll be there, and that the journey will be AWESOME! :DD teach me to be more mature, and to mind my language. i want to be more committed to your stuff rather than others :) so for this year, i shall take everything in my stride, and not exaggerate everything ;p

spent the last day with my church mates, watching avatar 3D. and it's not that nice ;p
the sad thing is, i lost my phone in the cinema, and it cant be found. but dont worry, im still using the old number :) so just text me with your names can le :D
went ton-nig at michelle's house for countdown, and i got too tired and i feel asleep at like 3 plus 4?
woke up at around 7 plus for breakfast. then we went home, and overshot our bus stop, so by the time we reached home it's like 9?[we could have reached home by 8.30am :D]
and the half of the first day of 2010 is spent sleeping HAHA! slept till 5pm then wake up to go to shumin's birthday partyy~ :D and i managed to ton for the WHOLE night! HAHA! ton-ned by playing mahjong MUAHAHAHAHA! :DD and, shhs! it's not supposed to let my parents know ;p!
and now, i have to stay awake for 5 more hours, cause if i go sleep now, i 100% cannot wake up later for another birthday party. ;p

i LOVE my life right now, cause it's everything you've gave me :D
the results that i have is purely your grace, cause i know i wouldn't have done so well( my well is pass, haha!)
THANK YOU LORD! :D
since the start of school, idk why but i have this peaceful feeling in my heart that's like 'nothing would go wrong cause you're here with me!' :D
how happy~

because of what you did, i smiled.
because of what you gave, i cherished.
because of how you loved, i love.
thank you lord, for everything that you've given me.
the trials in which you know that i can overcome, the people whom you know that will let me grow(even difficult ones), the problems in which you know that i can handle. thank you god.
for letting me see that all this, which just part and parcels of everything that you've placed in my life. little treasures that will soon to be another step for me to climb, up the ladder of growth.
now, i shall persevere through all this cause you reminded me again of how, no matter where you'll bring me to, i will follow. :D (and i really hope i can keep this up!!)

my inspiration ALWAYS comes from the bathroom[when im showering], i don't know why. HAHA!
ohya!, and. been feeling laazy to go out HAHA! though i miss my friends ALOT!, but im tired, both mentally and physically hahas. sorry peepos :D
but i did manage to catch up with alot of people, except chuayufang and tayweixuan and jenchua!!

i finally realised the true meaning of lost.
it's when you're in the busy life of many others, yet you're not part of any.
it's where everyone has a motive to be there, yet you don't.
it's when you're just lingering along, not belonging to anything.
it's when you feel alone, like nobody's in the same boat as you.
this kinda feeling sucks.
i'd rather get bus-ied out maxed than have this kinda feeling. urghs.

and now, i've never hated one school so much before.
i can say that i dread going to school cause i ain't doing what i like, and it's not giving me any happiness or even motivation at all. the whole entire community in school isn't helping either. they're just pulling my morale down. sorry to say, but i really really hate what im doing now.
and in the beginning, i really believed that this could work out..


had our christmas carnival today and it was ... okay~ HAHA!
kay la, i wasn't really interested cause my cousin was there, and i kinda minded how she thinks about the carnival.. so in the end, i was so-called ' bored out' cause she was. :( but overall, the carnival was a BIG SUCESS! :D
i love the dance performances though, and i love how yu en danced! it was so CUTE!! :DDDD
i'm SO looking forward to next week's RGT :D IT'LL BE GREAT!
and that will mark the end of my rollercoaster holidays :D

im really not ready to face school again..
though my hols has just started, but i feel like my nightmare's gonna come back.
it's so tough being in school, and, just by thinking bout all those things that you have to do makes my head go crazy. bah. schedule's not fixed, preparation work's not done, yet i just wanna have fun.

but i thank god cause he's here for me, and i know that i have nothing to fear cause he's wayyy BIGGER than any demons that im gonna face. hiaks hiaks! love ya lots!! :DD

bloghopped to esther's blog, and found a post that she wrote very interesting.
http://bang-those-ivories.blogspot.com/2009_11_01_archive.html
first post.
its quite true how ppl ALWAYS compare. and that's also how i practically survived my everyday in school. cause if i take a look back, i won't be even comunicating with one of my friend if we weren't comparing and gossiping and insulting/praising everyone that we see. and that became the 'base/foundation' of our friendship. that's pathetic ain't it? i mean me.
when one day, i look back and find that all my little 'pleasures' in school is derived from all this nonsense. now i really am lost. i really dont know who i am right now, where i belong to. everywhere i go i find different kind of people, different personalities, every group that i mix in are all different. im starting to feel like im having split personalities. different masks and character on at different timings, different identities even!
bah, whatever.

it is human nature, but if ever such a thought creep in to me again, may the Lord chide me and renew my heart!

i have like tons of things to do, but im not starting on anything.
good job hur.
bah, whatever. just dont feel like touching school stuff MUAHAHAHAHA!
and shit, i have a project meeting tmr for which idk why am i going for, since i didnt do anything.

it's quite a messed up week.
having test papers for 4 consecutive days and im totally having a lack of sleep.
my schedule for this week went(starting from sun) :
sun - go church, study till 11++pm
mon - 10.30 meet friend study food chemistry, 2pm paper, 3pm continue to study for next paper till 11++pm
tue - 9am basic microbiology paper[it's a screwed paper], study from 12+pm to 11++ pm
wed - 9am maths paper, study from 12+pm to 11++ pm
thurs - 9am paper, FREE!! [this is worst. i can just literally hand up a blank script. that's how bad my studies went]
and, im freaking tired. have to wake up at like 7.30am everyday, and i slept at round 2 almost everyday. im damn tired, and the studyings just ain't helping.
and i dont wanna be in your footsteps. i've been following too many people around, till i don't recognise myself anymore.
how? i dont wanna be someone who'll scold vulgarities everywhere i go. im so scared i'll fall into that. :(